Final Reflections

November 2022

When I arrived at the Milton Ranch, I was intentional about managing my expectations. I wanted to prepare myself to adapt to the realities of Ranching, however difficult they were. When I reflect on the past 8 months, I have discovered a deep passion for regenerative agriculture and land stewardship. There are also a few words that come to mind when thinking about the reality of what a life on the land requires. Resilience and adaptability. In a nutshell, Ranching forces you to embrace both of these principles as a way of life. It is a microcosm of life itself. Some days none of your equipment works, other days it seems like every animal on the ranch has a vendetta to do the exact opposite of what you want. Cattle escape, water lines break, grazing plans change due to weather and feed, trucks break down miles from the ranch, animals die and sometimes in great quantities. There are without a doubt, lows. But also highs, like when you fall into alignment with the land and creatures around you. Standing in a pasture and being able to identify every plant and bird in sight definitely makes you feel connected to something greater. I found joy in the little things like a lost calf reuniting with its mother, a near flawless move when you are in sync with your dogs and the herd, much like a symphony. Ranching can make you experience every feeling on the spectrum of human emotions and sometimes all in one day. I look back on this year and realize how far I’ve come, how much stronger I feel mentally. I am more capable of dealing with mishaps on the ranch or even in my own life. This apprenticeship has really given me the ability to be present in every moment, good or bad, and respond (not react) accordingly. I realize the more I try to exercise control over the people, places, or animals around me, the more frustrated I become. But even when things do go sideways, if I practice patience and non attachment to the outcome, things tend to flow a lot more smoothly. 

This year has exposed me to another reality, ranching is just difficult. Here we have chosen to enter an industry where our livelihood is based on factors outside of our control, weather and precipitation, cattle and beef markets, feed costs, etc.. There are all these variables that make ranching a risky career path with low pay, that is neither secure nor economically viable. So why do we do it? Why do I want to do it? I reckon it is my belief in one thing that still stands, that regenerative agriculture has the power to heal ourselves, our communities and the landscapes that we depend upon for life. It quite literally is our future. So even when faced with the vast array of challenges, I do believe with the right vision and willingness to try, fail, and try again, a sustainable life can be made. It will just require unconventional thinking and imagination to create a thriving operational model. Throughout the year, I’ve heard many times, the good thing about someone new to Ag is they are starting with a blank slate and don’t have to deal with resistance to change because, “that’s the way it has always been done”. There is room to imagine and create new models.  There are many creative ways to ranch in multi-faceted operations that don’t involve ownership, which gives me hope as someone who does not have a ton of resources. I also want to create a life in agriculture that has a proper work life balance. As much as a person can love working with animals and the land, I can imagine that after enough time in this work, without balance, burnout would be inevitable. I am looking forward to returning to the Milton Ranch next year, but I am still trying to discern and discover my long term goal. Sometimes I get anxious that I don’t exactly know what that looks like. But I am definitely interested in growing my skill set through management. I also hope to one day merge all my passions of regenerative agriculture, community organizing, and spiritual education, quite possibly into my own operation. 

I am interested in advancing my grazing management, horsemanship, stockmanship, and mechanical and infrastructure skills. Some of the greatest teachers and mentors I’ve met throughout my time here constantly reassure me that even after years of ranching, they still don’t know exactly what they’re doing, which is reassuring but also discouraging. Does anyone ever get “good at ranching?”  Maybe not. But I think with enough time and effort devoted to select skills, competency can be achieved. This year I have barely scratched the surface and the greatest thing I learned is how much I don’t know. When I look towards the future, I get excited about a career in agriculture. I can see the faint outline of my life, but the details are still not clear. When I imagine the life I want it involves, land, animals, good food, strong community, a loving family and partnership, and devotion to a cause that is helping others. It will take time to materialize, but I believe pursuing this apprenticeship has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and it has set me on the path to achieving that vision. For that I am grateful to Quivira, my mentor, and all the wonderful people who have helped me along the way. 

REFLECTIONS AFTER THE FIRST MONTH

May 2022

How did I arrive at the decision to make a career switch to agriculture? How does a minister and recent divinity school graduate end up cattle ranching in Central Montana? Both are questions I’ve heard from friends and family, followed shortly thereafter by perplexed looks of concern, but also genuine curiosity. I hail from the Detroit Metro area, a town located at the far edge of Oakland County. A place too developed to be rural and too green to be urban. I had no agricultural connections in my youth, but I always felt a deep connection to land and the natural world, when my friends dreamed of status and lavish lifestyles, I dreamed of large plots of land, cows, good horses, community, the self sufficiency of an agrarian lifestyle, and what Wendell Berry calls “good work”. It’s safe to say I was at odds among my suburban peers. 

As far as my memory travels, the mental image of my adult life always involved agricultural work. But it remained safely there, in my mind, as the people in my environment discouraged any path that didn’t guarantee financial stability. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment my interest in Ag came to be. But maybe it was solidified one rainy spring day in a grocery store parking lot, when my 13 year old self sat awkwardly atop my bicycle looking down in my bag, confronting my own mortality. I wondered, “Where the hell does this come from, and why can’t I grow or harvest it myself?”

From then on my interest in Ag was more like a leisured seasonal bloom that arrived whenever I had the inkling to reflect on what actually made me come alive, and faded when I fell back into the grooves of conformity and comfort. Some seasonal volunteering and part time work on a local horse farm was my initial exposure, soon thereafter my mere interest exploded and completely took hold of me; guided by my innate passion for land conservation, animals, food systems, and my spiritual beliefs; which to make it plain, consist of an inner knowing that connection to land and our food sources is also connection to the Divine. My interest has also been guided by a concern for the current state of our species. There is no question about the harmful effects of industrial Ag and the degradation of ecosystems and soil all throughout the world. The more I have learned about climate change, the fragility of global supply chains, food insecurity, and the increasing human dependence on fossil fuels; I can’t help but feel that this world we’ve created, although driven by human ingenuity and technological innovation, is also profoundly unnatural. 

There’s so much I want to learn and I know it can’t all be done in one year, but my time thus far at the Milton Ranch has brought me to a place of alignment. This apprenticeship has already exposed me to stock handling, monitoring, holistic grazing techniques, the basics of soil health, and pasture management among other things. To where it will lead I don’t yet know. I am still quite new to this work, but I hope this apprenticeship will continue to expose me to the many aspects of running an operation. Most of all I want to build my confidence, competence, and practical skillset. I hope to learn from my mistakes and to gain a clearer picture of what my goals are and what is possible. I am inspired by the humility displayed by the most experienced ranchers, all who have assured me that the learning never stops. 

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