Final Reflections
November 2024

It is a tall task to put down on paper how the last nine months have shaped me. March feels like a different lifetime but as the weather turns I am reminded of it in the cool mornings and frost painting the ground. Life seems to often warp time and this apprenticeship is no exception, it has flown by but the exponential growth makes it feel like an eternity ago that I arrived here and unloaded my horse into the prairie wind. A new landscape, new responsibilities, new people and endless opportunities for growth and learning. 

The last nine months have been filled with challenge, beauty, acceptance, compromise, struggle, and joy. I have gone from waking up every morning wondering what the day will hold to a constant mental list of what we need to be working towards. I specifically did not say “what we need to get done” cause I learned that the list will never end and it will undoubtedly change multiple times throughout the day. This was a big learning curve for me, letting go of the checking of boxes. Up until now that has been how I structured most of my life, and don’t get me wrong I still love my lists, but learning that the day is still successful even if all the things are not crossed off was a big mental rewiring for me. Learning to slow down and look at the bigger picture, not just what you could get done today, to not try to rush to the end of tasks, to observe, prioritize, not always have to take the most efficient path. I still remember at the end of a long day in the middle of a long, hot, busy period of summer Jess (my boss’s wife) saying to me, “If it’s not going to matter in a year from now, it doesn’t need to get done today.” Those words took a huge weight off my chest; there are basic things that need to be done, cows have water, cows have grass, bonus if they are where they are supposed to be, but besides that take a breath. Breath. This is not a race, it is a marathon. You need to be able to get up tomorrow, next week, and next month, to care for these animals and this land. 

When I first got here I remember thinking, “why are we not up with the sun everyday? There is so much to get done!” Now I know why, there will be times when we are but everyday that is not sustainable. A huge part of agriculture is the people. It has to work for the land, the livestock, and the people who steward it. This work comes in seasons, at times I wondered “how can my mentor do this by himself day in and day out?” not being able to see that it will not always be like this. It won’t always be over 100, the cows won’t always be breaking water infrastructure and trying to die of dehydration, you won’t always be putting up polywire to take it back down or moving portable water, to move it again in four days. When you are in the middle it is hard to see to the other side when you haven’t gone through a full season. I would not change this journey though, the weather will change, the challenges will change, the joys will change and with it you will adapt. 

Growth is often not comfortable. I was pushed to do things I didn’t think I was capable of, my mentor allowing me the time to work through them on my own without stepping in. This has ultimately given me more confidence in myself and forced me to build a more resilient mindset. The nature of the work combined with my mentor’s willingness to let me struggle through tasks has pushed me past when I was ready to give up. From stubborn water fittings, temperamental ranch trucks, to calves stuck in water tanks. I am often a team player in the sense that I am ready to let whoever I think would get the job done best and most efficiently take the lead. This job does not cater to that. I learned that mentality does not serve me or the livestock best. There were many times when I definitely was not the most efficient person for the job, but I was the one there, and it needed to get done. I had to get creative, try and try again. This water fitting HAS to go on tonight or the cows will not have water, I HAVE to get this calf out of the tank or it will end up dead by morning. The ‘have to’s’ of the job helped to push me — not without some tears shed and four letter words uttered — but in the end it left me feeling more capable when I got through on my own. The times when I did not succeed left me wanting to better prepare myself to steward the land and the animals that depend on me. 

Throughout this apprenticeship my gratitude has only grown for my mentor’s commitment to teaching, even when it is not the most efficient way to get the job done. I have learned so much, not only about technical ranch skills and management philosophies but also about myself. How to push myself, how to listen to my body, what drains me, what re-energizes me, and what fills my heart with joy. These lessons are a foundation I will build upon far into the future. There were times I questioned my ‘why’ of pursuing this life, I had to look at what is driving me and what I am building towards. I still don’t have a definite answer or picture perfect end goal, but I feel I know more of what I want to learn and work towards. Starting out in this industry I was only focused on all I didn’t know and my desire to shorten that list. There are still countless skills for me to develop but it has become clear that cultivating a community to share this life with is equally as important. Trying to pursue opportunities while building and maintaining friendships, near and far, is a universal challenge in this life and one I know I will continue to face as I seek new experiences. 

I can’t thank Jim and his family enough, Jess, Sage, Brooke, Brynn, you all made this apprenticeship truly special. I look forward to preserving these friendships and will always be grateful for my time at the Veebaray.

How did you get interested in agriculture? And what are you hoping to gain from your apprenticeship?
May 2024

My initial interest in agriculture came from a desire to build a life around working outside with livestock. I grew up on the central coast of California where there is a farmers market to attend every week of the year. My family took advantage of that opportunity and where our food came from, what was in season and how it was produced was always talked about. My parents always had a garden of their own, so I grew up being able to walk into my backyard and spend hours eating cherry tomatoes off the vine. I believe this food awareness and appreciation for how it arrived at my table, set the foundation for the path that I am on today.

It was during summer working at a pack station in the Sierra Nevada that my mind turned toward a job in which I could be outside, working with livestock year round. This is where my upbringing of knowledge and awareness of local food sources collide with my love for animals and the outdoors. Being able to dedicate my life to an industry working towards raising nutritious food while benefiting the land at the same time seemed worth a shot to try to find my place in. This apprenticeship is an opportunity for me to begin learning about all the areas of knowledge that go into raising successful healthy livestock in flourishing productive ecosystems. I look forward to getting hands-on experience and beginning to find where I can be of greatest service in this industry. It is also a time for me to determine if I want to go back to school, and if so what program I would complete my bachelors degree in. There are countless practical and conceptual skills I hope to gain from my time in this program, but in the big picture it is a chance for me to discover and explore my strengths, weaknesses, and specific interests to pursue in the future.

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